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In October, I wrote a blog titled “What I Want in a Man List.” At the time, I had recently moved from DC to LA and needed to reexamine my life and revise my list before I could share it with you. I’ve had some time to acclimate to my new environment and decided to whittle my list of 10 qualities to the top five qualities that I would need in a mate to be happy. Here they are:

1. Smart
2. Creative
3. Kind
4. Affectionate
5. Physically fit

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Coming up with 10 must-haves was a challenge, but doable; however, picking the top five was not so easy. It forces you to examine what makes you happy versus what you think you need. You’ll be surprised to find out that what you listed first in your top 10 doesn’t make it into your top five.

For example, you would think more physical attributes would be in the top five. One of my backpage friends would only date guys who were at least 6 feet tall. She’s 5’8″ without heels. After reviewing her list, she decided this was no longer as important with only five choices.

I would also assume “financially well-off” would be at the top of the list. However, if a guy is financially well-off yet not smart, kind, affectionate, or creative, I don’t care how much money he makes. I know I will not be happy with him.

I recently shared this topic on a road trip with some girl friends. “Smart” and “kind” were two qualities we all shared. Other qualities that made the list, “loves music” and “has a great relationship with his family.” There was no mention of a man’s height nor how much money he made. My backpage friends are all professional females between the ages of 32 and 45.

I was curious to see how a group of backpage men and women would respond to this topic. On November 21st, SingleTease had a launch party in LA to introduce three new product lines. It was at this party that we decided to parlay my interest in this topic into an ice breaker for our guests. Upon arrival, each guest received a large card asking them to list their “Top 3 Must-Haves in a Mate.”

We had no idea how popular this ice breaker would be. Everyone was eager to share and compare and it made for interesting conversations!

We tallied the results, organizing the must-haves into six categories:
- intelligence
- physical features
- wealth
- personality
- values
- sex

The results for the  “Top 3 Must Haves in a Backpage Mate” are:
1. Personality
2. Sex
3. Intelligence

Not one person selected “wealth” for their “Top 3 Must-Haves in a Mate.”

Based on our results, I would conclude that we all just want someone who we can respect and love and vice-a-versa!

Our demographic:
Thirty-six guests participated. They all live in southern California. We did not ask our guests to indicate whether they were male or female; however, there were more female than male guests. The age range was 23 to 61 years of age.

So, what are you top 3 must-haves in a backpage mate? Do they fit in the top three categories from our party? We would love to know!